So there we are, my boyfriend and I sitting in the lobby of the courtroom. I am panicking, which is normal whenever I get anxious. He tells me that everything is going to be fine in an hour and not to worry. I trust him.
This story has been hard for me to tell people. I am ashamed of it for so many reasons. I got in trouble with the police. My children were exposed to behavior they shouldn’t have never seen. I spiraled out of control, my life being controlled by an abuser, and I allowed my fear of being alone to contribute to me tolerating the abuse. It is the story about the night my abuser called the cops on me, when an abuser plays victim and when an abuse victim is made out to be an abuser.
I can’t recall the exact date that I had to call my ex boyfriend’s mother to come get him out of my bed, but I know it was about a year ago. I try not to think about it but it is part of my story so I have to be open about being abused, if I want to help others. So here it goes…
Part 3 of My Domestic Violence Story. I finally fell asleep for a few hours after looking at the bruises and cuts. I woke up I feeling as if I had been hit by a bus. I felt hungover but I had maybe 3 sips of wine so it wasn’t a hangover. My body ached, I wondered why it was hurting so bad, it hadn’t been that bad, right?
I was in the midst of what I now realize was a mental breakdown caused by emotional abuse I had been receiving for years from my ex-husband, combined with my ex-boyfriend’s manipulative mind games that I was too blinded by love to see.The constant mental abuse made me crazy. “As in put your 2 kids in a car and go bang on your boyfriend’s door in the middle of the night” crazy. He proclaimed out of nowhere that night, I was needy because I text him throughout work days and he needed a break. He hung up the phone and blocked me. I went crazy, not realizing it was a mental mind fucking game and he was the the Gamemaster. I was devastated. After hours of laying in bed, overthinking, I decided that the best thing to do was to beg for him back, I took my two sleeping children, put them in the car at 4 am and drove 19 miles to beg for him back. His friend spending the night answers the door and tells me to go home or CPS was going to take my kids. I leave, it didn’t hit me till hours later what I had done. Still to this day, I am ashamed that I put my children in that position.