Why so morbid, you ask?
That’s because less than a year ago I wrote a letter titled “If you find me dead…” I was in a state of mental chaos. I was being told by two different men that I was terrible for not “being on their side.” That image of a child’s arm being pulled by one parent and the other by the other parent, that was me. Except I was the one in the middle. My emotionally abusive ex husband and father of my children telling me I am worthless and to kill myself on one arm. On the other, my “physically abusive but only while using alcohol or drugs, otherwise he’s great, live-in” boyfriend. Both telling me how they can’t believe I won’t take their side.
I knew that if my life continued like this, I would either end up dead at the hands of my now ex-boyfriend or by taking my own life because I couldn’t handle the emotional abuse I had been enduring over the past years.
Why am I writing this?
Almost daily I see on Facebook or on the news something about abuse. Sometimes it’s needing advice about a terrible narcissistic ex trying to ruin your life, sometimes it’s stories of domestic violence. Whatever your story is, someone else has been through it and has survived. At the time, I felt I had no one to share my pain and story with, because no one else I knew had gone through what I had. I was too afraid to tell my friends and family for fear of judgement. I had no one to go to. So I spiraled into a deep depression. I felt hopeless. My goal is to reach women like my myself, that feel hopeless and show them, that they are not alone. That they too can grow and help themselves. I still struggle daily and I am hoping this will continue my growth towards healing myself, ending the stigma of mental health, give a voice to victims of domestic abuse, and shedding a light on emotional abuse.
Narcissistic Abuse. I am one of the lucky ones; not only did I marry an emotionally abusive Narcissist, think Donald Trump, I then fell madly in love and lived with a physically abusive Narcissist. Here is my journey of introspection, healing traumas from the past and present, and growing as a person. Mixed in w a bit of sarcasm and dark humor.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter.Izaak Walton
It might seem childish on my part to be so bothered by it; but taking my brother (and his significant other) on vacation and not inviting me has been a reoccurring theme that has happened 10 times in my life. It has lead me to have a resentment and strained relationship with my parents and my brother. It also has lead me down this path of introspection and taught me a valuable lesson.Continue reading
Psych Ward Stories…The funny thing is less than a month before, I told my date on Tuesday I was excited for our dinner plans that weekend and would be there as long as I hadn’t checked myself into the Psych Ward. Little did I know a month later, I would be there.Continue reading